We live in a generation of, not being in love, and not being together
But we sure make it feel like we’re together
Cause we’re scared to see each other with somebody else…
Drake: Doing It Wrong
Relationships of the 21st century, quite an interesting topic, don’t you think ?🙎 I mean whether you are in one, or just got out of one or even if it’s someone else’s relationship, it really is interesting to observe and analyse the dynamics of how the relationship works. And please note, there is a difference between analysing and senseless judgement.
The Trends Of Relationships Both Past And Present
I think that those of us below the age of 25 have often heard the phrase, “In our day, when something was broken, we fixed it, we didn’t replace it “, we often hear that more from our grandparents than parents👴👵. That phrase is used a lot to describe relationships from back in their days. What it means is simply that whenever they faced hardships in their relationship or had fights or some kind of adversity related to their relationship, they would take a step back, think about suitable solutions and work together to make things right or better instead of just abandoning all hope and “damming it to Hell” so to speak🙈.
I think the one of major differences of relationships of the past vs the present, was the was the way they handled these problems and issues, and they did this by Communicating , that’s the “key word” here. Whether they talked about it with each other directly, or discussed it with close family members like siblings or parents, they made sure that their views, feelings and thoughts were both known and understood to each other (each othe being the people in the relationship).
Now compare that to how our current Instagram Generation (current generation) handles things. When they fight or have some kind of dispute or disagreement, more often or not, they take to social media to voice their raw feelings and emotions for everyone to see, rather than talk to their partner about it. It’s really ironic and amusing in some situations like when a guy and girl are dating and the guy in the relationship doesn’t know that there is a disagreement, dispute or some feeling of discontent in the relationship, until they see it displayed on social media by the girl that they’re dating, or worse, someone else will have to tell the guy about it first, because he hasn’t even seen it yet. Let’s be honest, how many times have we, at one point in life done that or at least seen someone else do that ? How many times have we ourselves or know of other people that logged onto Facebook and posted up or updated whatsapp statuses with some sad quote or picture, that may not even be remotely true or relatable to whatever is causing discontent. The answer, is too many times to be honest.
(Note: The example with the guy and girl works both ways, it’s also guys who complain with the girl not being aware of this until she sees it on social media, and this is quite common).
So basically, couples of the previous generations identified what was wrong communicated effectively and rectified it. Can we really say the same about the relationships of today ? I mean if you look at the divorce rates all over the world, it really is terrifying that the %’s of divorce rates are just skyrocketing. The US had a divorce rate of 53% while South Africa had about 25 000 divorce cases by the end of 2016. Some married couples may try to make a failing marriage work, but 6 out of 10 times, that’s not usually the case. You may say I’m exaggerating by referring to divorce🙊, and maybe I am, but it’s almost the same with couples that are not in the maritial category. How many times have we heard couples fight and break up for the silliest of reasons and then get back for even sillier reasons ? The answer again, is too many times.
- Quality Of People
Another difference between our generation (21st century) and the generations of the past are the actual quality of people and how “genuine” they truly are. What I mean by this when I say “genuine”, is the actual character of a person. It’s generally accepted by everyone, that they just don’t make “good men and good women” anymore. We don’t have to look as far as Mahatma Ghandi💙, (The Greatest Human Being To Have Ever Lived I Personally Believe) or Martin Luther King or any other great individuals. All we simply have to do, is take a good look around us. How many people do we really trust ? How many people can we depend on in our times in need ? The answer to that is, “I have more fingers on one hand, not counting my thumb”.
The character and quality of people have deteriorated over a period of time a number of possible reasons like lack faith in people or God, mistrust, crime, backstabbing, Kali Yuga etc. People are generally more self centred, focused more on self development as well as being deceitful and distant, and are less likely to make sacrifices, open up or be able to place the needs of someone else above their own. I feel like the essence of “striving to be a better person” has been replaced by “striving to be better”.
I’m not saying people have to be Mother Teresa, but possessing a basic moral compass used to be something people were proud of, “used” to. Because of this, both parties of person(s) in relationships expect the other party of person(s) to fully open up and to make sacrifices, yet both parties are not willing to budge and meet each other halfway. You may think this is crazy, but this largely contributes to the feeling of “I feel so distant from him/her, yet there’s nothing but only sheets between us”.
- The Game Where Men Are Learning To Play By The Rules, And Women Are Learning To Break The Rules
15 years ago, if you told me that men were unfaithful dirty lying pieces of filth, and that women were definitely more faithful, I would’ve stood up and said “Definitely“. If you told me the same thing 10 years ago, my reply would be the same and if you told me the same thing 5 years ago, I would wrinkle my nose and shrug hesitantly for a while, but I would agree with you and still mean it. But if you told me the same thing about 3 years ago, I would collapse on the ground in burst of giggling fits, and between gasps of breath struggling for air, I would ask you to do the comedy and jokes for my blog posts 😂😂😂.
Because the truth is, it’s changed. A great deal of men used to and still are unfaithful when it comes to relationships, but a great deal are either faithful or making attempts to be faithful for a number of possible reasons. Perhaps it’s because of religion and increased spiritual awareness, or general open increasing mindedness, or tumblr and pinterest quotes ( Yeah, that’s my personal best bet😂), whatever the reason, there are definitely more faithful guys out there. Men seem to be finally learning to play by the rules both, spoken/written and unspoken/unwritten that women desired (or created😯). Although whether guys have finally managed to abide by the “Leave The Toilet Seat Up” 😂 is still debatable. (Maybe it can be included in wedding vows😂😂😂, if it takes of, I want it stated that I came up with it😵😵😵)
I was actually quite shocked to learn that in 1993, 70% of married women cheated or committed acts of infidelity. I was actually quite surprised at this, also about the fact that Ashley Madison is 100% free for women.
Women, a lot though not all, on the other hand have learned to break the rules that their feminine ancestors wrote and founded, they may have even broken their own set of rules. The truth is women have become personally less interested and committed to the idea of being faithful and loyal. I mean the number of times people including myself have heard, “She cheated on me” has gone from being virtually non-existent to increasing exponentially in the last 3 years. I think the most unique one was when a lesbian was cheated on by her partner, when her partner decided to sleep with her best friend who was a woman as well 🙈😅 It’s kinda like the feminine delta triangle of infidelity/adultery. Even in the past when a man cheated on his woman with a “mistress“, the “mistress” was usually in the dark about the man’s relationship. But with the official induction of side hoes, it seems like that has changed, although this applies to men and women both, and not just exclusively to men having side hoes).
There’s no doubt that that last paragraph upset a lot of people, especially the over zealous feminists. One could claim that men may have driven women to this state of insanity and that it’s largely the fault of males, and that men shouldn’t complain when they get a taste of their own medicine, (whether it was the man himself who cheated, or the man is innocent but deserves it because of the rest of the male species). But that would go against the claim that women are much more smarter than men and would not resort to or employ the “disgusting” tactics of men, making this paradoxical, that would fit the stereotype that women are “contradictory”.
You could say I may be wrong, but the evidence is splashed out on social media. You want some evidence? Just search for #cameltoe on social media.🙈
A Healthy Relationship
So, what is a healthy relationship you may ask (if you haven’t already stopped reading this blog out of sheer annoyance 😅). Well again, the older generation are more than happy to provide that answer with us. They would more or less define it as being :
“A relationship between two people signifies the bond that represents the love , respect, trust, sacrifice, loyalty, understanding and forgiveness that two people have for and between each other, someone who will stand by you, even when when you are wrong, but will help you get it right. A true strong relationship is not easy but is not impossible. A true relationship based on love isn’t based on monetary value, or outer beauty or genius intelligence, these can be measured, they have a limit, they have an end, yet true love cannot be measured, is infinite and has no end .” (Aavishkar Singh)
Basically, when two people are in a relationship, it’s gonna be tough, and it’s not always gonna be sunshine, rainbows and unicorns. But at the end of the day, if you give it your all, you will always have someone on your side (besides your Mother and God). Of course I’m referring to a serious committed relationship, maybe it’s not marriage but still a committed one nonetheless.
Now I may have admittedly been sidetracked by the love topic in the last paragraph, but it’s time to move on to the different types of broken relationships.
The Misrelationships Of The 21st Century
So I’ve picked out a few of my personal favourite types of misrelationships of the 21st century, here they are. Maybe you’ll be able to relate or be familiar with some of these.
- On/Off Relationships
These are one of the most frequent misrelationships that occur to people on a daily basis, and in most cases, it usually is the fault of the guy in the relationship, and the woman is the victim. I’m sure all of us have heard of or know some couples being either “on or off” even more frequently than in comparison to a woman changing her outfit.
What usually happens, is that the guy messes up for the upteenth time, and the girl is fed up of his crap (💩). Maybe he cheated, or doesn’t treat her properly or take care of her, whatever the case, she’s tired of it, so she ends it. At first the guy will “move on” and date some ‘random” girl, just to shove it in his ex girl’s face, which he makes sure he does pretty frequently. The ex girlfriend doesn’t really mind and is actually happy that the guy is making progress and is finally happy.
However when the ex girlfriend starts to meet new guys and make her own progress, the original guy will get extremely jealous and a little aggro. He’ll probably make threats to the new guy and a huge fight ensues between the original couple. At first she’ll feel hurt, some “sweet” guy (usually a decent one patiently awaiting his chance) will probably try to make her feel better. Unfortunately for the “sweet” guy, the original guy will soon apologize to the ex girl and they’ll get back together leaving both the “random” girl and the sweet guy in the ditch.
The irony is that this process probably happened before, and will happen again, with the guy messing up each time, the fight happens, the break up happens, they both try to move on, the guy gets jealous and depressed, the girl feels guilty and depressed, the so called progress they make just turns out to be the distance they make for themselves just to run back to each other. The other ironic part is that the guy messes up, yet it’s the girl who feels guilty and she receives a scolding instead of the reverse. You could argue that the girl should leave, and actually that is Correct, but as the saying goes:
The heart wants what it wants (Just break up with the dumb shit man, he doesn’t deserve the honour to date a goddess like you, and give someone decent the chance to treat you right)
As Mario Winnans said on behalf of all the good guys:
Baby I just don’t get it Do you enjoy being hurt?
You should let me love you, Let me be the one to, Give you everything you want and need ,Baby good love and protection, Make me your selection, Show you the way love’s supposed to be
- Long Distance Relationship
Another common misrelationship, although in this case, not as bad as the first is long distance. Its really difficult for most people to cope or be without their counterpart for long time periods. There’s also the risk of growing distant and apart quite figuratively which leads to both fights and leads to an increased risk of cheating. This kind of relationship should only be attempted if a relationship is longer than 3 years and stable. Even married couples have ended relationships due to this reason.
It’s kinda good, that more people understand and are aware that these relationships end disastrously or that these relationships don’t usually work out, but it doesn’t make the decision any less heartbreaking💔. But perhaps with the rapid introduction of technology and social media platforms, these challenges can be overcome, yet still with high difficulty. Maybe you won’t have fly half way across the world to stand outside your partners house with a boom box and play “Hey There Delilah, What’s It Like In New York City” you can simply face time😉
There are no real guilty parties in this kinda relationship, but both the guy and girl are both the cause and the victim of such a relationship.
- One Sided Relationship
This is usually one of the most murkiest of relationships ever. The guy or girl is usually more committed in the relationship (usually the woman), and the other person is less or not at all committed to the relationship, and is simply just a fling or a way to kill time, (usually the guy). The victims in this case are usually the women, and it’s usually the men who are the guilty party. But I know of circumstances where this isn’t true.
For example, one of my friends dated a guy. She wasn’t really into him, I guess she kinda wanted to see what a relationship felt like without getting too attached, but the guy took it upon himself to get involved emotionally. She ended the relationship so she didn’t hurt him, he got hurt anyway though😞. Funny thing is, he got “hotter” according to her, but then again she has no problem getting a guy if she wanted one😄. Another instance, where a male friend dated one of my female friends, and he like really fell for her. He made her gifts, invited her over, the works and she simply dropped him when she was done with him.
I think the issue here is that, the terms aren’t clearly explained nor is the relationship never properly defined. It’s either always too early or a taboo to talk about such issues. It may seem a little mechanical to define a relationship, but it’s safer for some people I guess. As U2 says in with or without you:
Sleight of hand and twist of fate, On a bed of nails she makes me wait, And I wait,
without you, With or without you
- Stagnant Relationship
This relationship is described perfectly by the opening lyrics of the blog. People in this relationship may not truly be in love, but they simply can’t stand the thought of their partners being with someone else. It’s more likely infatuation in these kinda relationships. Men usually objectify or are extremely possessive of women in the relationship. The concept of trophy wives/girlfriends stems from this concept.
Previously, the victims of such a relationship where women mainly, but now men also suffer😯.
The I Want Them To Have A Good Heart ! But I Need Them To Have A Better Face And Body
The women are the prime suspects in this one, hands down. We’ve all seen them put up those tumblr quotes basically saying they want to date a guy who’s sweet, charming, honest and loyal. But in reality, everyone knows it’s not true. They will deny having to want someone for their looks, but their track record states otherwise.
I’m not saying that some guys don’t go for looks, it’s just that they’re usually more honest about it and don’t pretend otherwise. I mean if gorgeous women walked past 9 straight guys and 1 gay guy, there would be 10 wolf whistles (9 for the woman, 1 for the dress).
I really hoped you enjoyed reading this blog, took like 7 hours to write, not kidding🙊😱. But I chose to do it, so I can’t complain. Please like the blog and follow if you did enjoy. And if you didn’t feel free to share why in the comments section, for now, Ciau.😄