Nice guys finish last, nice guys don’t even finish at times, sometimes I wonder even whether nice guys get a chance to start at all ?
Now you can scream and shout all you want that I’m being sexist or that I am being biased and you perhaps you may even be right, but let’s just take a look at the blog and then deem me fit to go to Hell for such a blog post. If you’d like, I could also do one about the 1% of decent females out there.
Now getting back to the blog post, you might be wondering who I’m talking about when I refer to the nice guys. I’m talking about the Stefan Salvatores from The Vampire Diaries, Jacob from Twilight and Adam Sandler from My bestfriend’s girl of the real world and how their battle for love almost always ends in a miserable disaster, that’s if it even begins at all. But we don’t have to look that far do we, we don’t have to delve into the rich literature of movies and books to find examples of this, do we?
If we simply take a look around us, maybe at some of our friends or family or maybe even ourselves possibly at some points in our lives, we’ve witnessed or experienced the nice or good guys loser syndrome. How many times have we heard girls say in one breath “I’m just looking for someone who’ll treat me right” or “Why can’t I just find some good guy who’ll love me”. Now take a moment to remember how many countless women have said that ? These very same women, often have guys who really like them and sometimes even love them, guys who are of the highest caliber, who are decent, sweet, caring as well as every other desired trait listed on their sappy tumblr quote. But these decent guys are simply banished to being just a friend. So, what’s the problem you may ask ? I could say that it’s “women”, but this isn’t hurdles so I’m not jumping to any conclusions.
One of the questions that should be asked is, “Is what women say they want, what they actually want ?”. And to this answer, I would have to answer no in most cases.
To support that answer, let’s revisit the topic about those infamous tumblr quotes that women often put up describing their ideal good guy. We see it all the time on Facebook or Instagram, those quotes or song lyrics that describe what kind of good guys these females want. These quotes are usually compressed with as many adjectives such as “loving, caring, supportive, funny, gentlemen, protective” etc. If you feel I’ve left anything out, just pull out your phone, log onto your social media and visit the usual suspects who put up such quotes.
Now if you compare these quotes, these claims and these desires to their current boyfriends, or their ex-boyfriends, it doesn’t match up, does it now ? And sometimes when these women are questioned about such things, they have no response and just mumble something stupidly. Some of them respond with “I can’t help it, I love him”. That is a mildly ridiculous, but I’ll touch on that briefly.
Let’s talk about the girls who love bad boys. To be fair, they are a little more upfront about what they actually want from a guy and this matches up with who they date. We all know those bad guys, they’re usually handsome, tall, aloof, confident and have this mean look about them. All of this is all very appealing to these girls at first, but then what happens once the relationship develops ? It’s usually followed by the guy being non-existent most of the time, unfaithful, over protective, overly jealous, he’s basically a royal jerk. Some of those previous qualities such as aloofness may seem appealing at first, but once the relationship kicks in, a lot of these original traits become destructive.
I mean seriously what do you expect, if you date trouble, you’ll get trouble. There’s a quote from Naruto Shippuden: The Blood Prison , If you place an apple in a chest and take it out after a year, all will you get is a rotten apple, what else do you expect? “.
So in the end, girls who like “good” guys and girls who like bad boys basically date the same type of jerk. Which also means they experience the same kind of aftermath. Whether the relationships end permanently or temporarily because the idiotic guy has screwed up for the umpteenth time, the symptoms are the same. The aftermath consists of those frustratingly annoying quotes about ALL GUYS BEING TOTAL D!@#s being posted on every single platform of social media that exist by these heartbroken women, as well as long phone calls and late night/early morning conversations with friends, the very same friends whom they almost never have time for because they’re constantly running after their douche bag boyfriends. It’s usually ironic that they find comfort and solace in the presence of the same good guys who they’ve friend zoned.
Remember I mentioned that response about women running after the same douche bags even after all the mess that was created, and the reason is usually “I love him, I can’t live without him” ? Now this may sound cynical and make me lop like a cryptic person, well guess what, I am (And I’m damn proud of it). If there are single divorced mothers or wives that are able to live without their respective spouses, then guess what ? So can you, all you have to do is grow up ! (if you’re one of these women). I’ve heard a 20 year old woman saying that she can’t live without her boyfriend because “He’s the one for me”, even though he’s probably cheated on her more times than I’ve had Naruto Marathons , and trust me, that’s like every month.
Then there’s another example with a woman who is also 20 years old. She’s very cool, extremely brilliant, funny ,hardworking and very pretty (although that’s a bonus). She’s basically an amazing woman, and she recently separated from her ex. She has plenty of guys running after her, but she’s just focused on getting back together with her ex( he’s a douche, obviously), even if it’s at a later stage. I’ve heard her say that she like’s guys with lovely minds, but unfortunately her track record and current ex basically rule out that statement. Their only redeeming qualities is that they’re good looking, and even if it’s a little shallow to like someone based on their looks alone, it’s better that you be upfront rather than painting a different picture.
Sometimes these women don’t run back to the same guy exactly, but they run back to the same type of guy. I’ve seen it happen several times, and so have you.
Now I’ve never run back to my ex after the end of a relationship, but I know that moving forward is always a difficult thing. There’s always a lot of memories, emotions, chemistry and history, but it’s always important to remember that that is what was and not what is and what shall be . It’s a tough choice , but moving forward is always healthy. I’m not saying second chances aren’t allowed, I’m saying that tenth and twentieth chances are a little too much especially if they’re regarding a recurring issue. It’s also important to learn from your mistakes, so that you don’t make them again. Like there’s no use getting burned by matches, only to be burned by a lighter the next time around.
The other infamous argument is that “You can’t choose who you fall in love with”. While this is true, you can’t always choose who you fall for or who you fall in love with, but what’s important to remember is that you do have a choice in who you love. Do you understand what I’m saying ? It’s your choice who you date, whether you like them or not. You can’t choose who you fall in love with, but you can choose whom you love.
Now in my concluding paragraphs, I’m going to refer to the good decent guys. They are the guys who are always there for you, or know you for a long time. They’re always there for you, they have a pretty good idea of who you are and understand you better than you understand yourself. I’m not talking about the guys who know you for 2 weeks and complain about being in the friend zone.
These good guys are usually too shy to admit their feelings usually because they’re scared of rejection or the friend zone or that their female friend has feelings for someone else. This results in them swallowing their own feelings and it crushes them each day. These good guys also have no one to talk to about their feelings, because they’re usually closest to the girl to whom they have feelings for, so they can’t talk about it without things becoming awkward. Quite often than not, everyone else knows that the guy likes the girl, and waste no time hinting here and there. Pay more attention ladies.
The other reasons is that the good guy is always there for the woman, so she becomes comfortable with him in a negative sense, and treats him as a crutch, whether knowingly or unknowingly. This may sound ugly, but it’s true, trust me. Women also are insecure sometimes, and therefore date guys with flaws, so they seem realistic and relatable, and they settle for something instead of earning what they deserve. It can be argued that a relationship would ruin the friendship between the woman and the guy, but I’ve seen more of these friendships fall apart because the of the women just dating more d!@#$ rather than considering what was right in front of her the whole time.
So, I’ve hope you enjoyed this blog post, it was a little short, but I hope you start believing in the myths that are known as “nice guys”. Ciazu